Realizing that they cannot achieve the cherished goal and find a family, girls often begin to have complexes. Psychologist Natalya Bredkovskaya told what is the reason for failures and how to cope with them.
The girls have not grown up to themselves. In various areas – professional, personal, that is, they did not reveal all their abilities and inclinations to the maximum. If they had grown up, then personal life would have settled itself long ago. There is a tomato under the table, but if you are a birch, it will be very difficult for you under the table, and you will not find your cypress there. Straighten up to your full height, grow up, and there you will meet the same as you, birches and cypresses. Your man is waiting for you! But he will not come down to you, alas,!
Take your time to rush
The fuss about marriage disfigures you ladies! Always remember that self-esteem is more important. Carry yourself as a gift – think about who is lucky to meet you, and then you are lucky to meet someone. Many celebrities got married for the first time and gave birth after 35-40 years, and they feel great. As one of the ancient Greek sages said – “Do not rush along the way.” Of more than 6 billion people, you will definitely find one, the main thing is to be ready for a meeting.
Remove the lasso
Girls, stop getting married! Stop looking at men as a horse auction item, as potential husbands. Communicate with them just like people! Yes, yes, just as with a person, with a friend, and not as with a man. Do not set the goal of getting married when communicating. Take off the lasso! It is always felt and terribly frightens our men, already intimidated by their mothers: “Stay away, sonny, away from these women! All of them . nothing good can be expected from them. Only mom really appreciates and loves you. ” Set a goal to get to know the person, to spend time interestingly, to practice, as a last resort. After all, one cannot seriously engage in such a frivolous matter as love. Reframe, not “I am conquering a man,” but “I am playing a game of conquering a man.” If I lose, I will gain experience. As one humorous rhyme says: “Hush, Tanechka, don’t cry, not Gennady, so Semyon.” A very wise thought! The well-known psychotherapist Frankl said that he is lucky in love 1 time out of 10. It did not work out – 3 days worried, you can even cry, and try again.
Can you love? This question suggests asking the famous European philosopher Erich Fromm to people who complain about failures in love. They remind him of an artist who lays all day on the sofa, and explains the absence of paintings by the fact that he has not yet met the landscape that would truly inspire him to work. So he lies, instead of learning to paint, and then a huge rich world of inspiring landscapes will open to him. So what is love? How to love yourself? Fromm defined love as an active interest in the life and development of the object of love. That is, everything is very simple – grow, develop yourself, take care of your health, become the best in your business, follow your interests, and at some point you will get so carried away with the process of life and self-love that you will not even notice that by a man is walking along this path next to you. It is he who is with you along the way. Learn to love. True love cannot but be answered.
A man without a side dish
Our upbringing makes it difficult to build relationships: women believe that they should be sought, thrown with flowers, taken care of. They are late for dates (a decent man will not wait for you), provoke jealousy (which is generally blatant stupidity), demand gifts, flowers, sweets. As a result, they get a rotten steak – losers, alcoholics, womanizers – and who else can withstand all your arts? Girls, if a man is standing, you need this side dish – all these flowers, courtship? Of course not. And only womanizers can look after beautifully – somewhere they learned this.
There are no sleeping beauties!
How do girls with a patriarchal upbringing behave? They put on makeup, comb their hair, and sit on the marriageable, wait. Again, the pernicious influence of fairy tales. It is in them that the sleeping beauty woke up 100 years later from the kiss of a handsome prince, just as young and beautiful. But in life, unfortunately, when women wake up, they understand that beauty is not the same, and youth has passed. Don’t sleep, girls! Take the initiative yourself if you like a man. Research has been conducted: most men like it when the initiative comes from a woman. Only this must be done competently so as not to violate the socially acceptable stereotype that a man is a hunter, he must achieve a woman.
Meet not there! Lady, you need to understand that men go to bars and restaurants to look for a girl for the night. And on the Internet, on dating sites, prosperous men do not meet. Imagine the man of your dreams – will he really spend hours surfing the Internet in search of a woman, when a line of real applicants lined up behind him? We remember the sad statistics, how many guys there are for 10 girls. Sad, but not for you. How much do you personally need? One? So one can be found. And where to get acquainted? Above I wrote that it is better not to specifically solve a sexual problem, then it will be solved by itself. Get carried away by an interesting business, and next to you there will be the same enthusiastic men – just choose! That way you can get to know each other better. On the basis of a common cause, love can also arise, because love is knowledge. And at first sight it is passion, attraction, which have nothing to do with love..