The psychologist outlined the main problems in marriage and indicated ways to solve them.
Certified expert profiler, trainer of specialized programs, professional negotiator and psychologist Alexander Kopytko:
“How to keep a husband in the family after a long marriage and should it be done?” This question is asked to me by many women who face such a choice. Let’s immediately stipulate that by a long-term marriage we mean a term after five years. Here it usually happens as follows. If people go through a three-year marriage crisis, then the birth of a child saves, of course, it unites the family, transfers it to another level. But after 5-6 years of relationship, difficulties just begin, because the child has already grown up. Dads start looking for adventure …
Not all, but most women after the birth of a child begin to devote a lot of time to him, thereby leaving less time for her husband, he is not enough for herself. A slight bias begins in the relationship. A man ceases to receive the attention he needs, sex, and while his woman is sitting with a child, he, as a rule, develops, grows in the service. And then an imbalance appears. The wife is at home with the child all the time, the husband is moving up the career ladder. Just 5-6 years later, a problem arises – they have nothing more to talk to each other about. Different levels of communication, knowledge appear, and it becomes difficult in the family. This raises the question: how to live on? And it affects primarily women.
What does a woman need to do to keep her man interested in her? Taking into account the psychology of her man, she should be engaged in personal self-education, personal development, much more tightly pulling her husband up to raising a child, while leaving time to take care of herself. If a woman continues to develop, work and become equal with her man, and the child becomes their joint project, then the chances of saving the family increase dramatically. Women need to connect their man as closely as possible to raising a child and at the same time use free time for themselves – self-care, self-development, education, etc. This applies to modern families. If we are talking about the classic household building, then everything is simple: a woman gives birth to children every couple of years, keeping her husband, and in the meantime he develops, earns, bringing stability to the family. In such families, people rarely disperse. In general, when there are three or more children in a family, divorce in these cases is rare..
Is it necessary to keep a man after a long relationship?
Here you need to understand what kind of resource a man is. If we are talking about a modern woman who manages to work and raise a child, then, most likely, a man in 5-6 years may not be necessary for her, because there is no benefit from him, sex has subsided, there are fewer and fewer common interests. people become distant from each other. He is at work, she is at work, they only meet at home to spend a couple of hours together. And slowly they begin to become strangers. Answer yourself directly to the question: does the person who lives with you give something else besides a habit? For some women, it is important to be married, that she has a relationship.
And here we must understand that marriage is pulling to the bottom. A woman should either try to surprise her husband, or let go of this situation and get out of this relationship. In my trainings, I try to teach women what to do if their husband leaves them, or you leave him. What are the pros and cons? And, as a rule, when we describe it, there are much more pluses, fears for frequent turn out to be empty. Therefore, people are quietly getting divorced. Or another case: she clings to him, and then we start working with her and let her understand how to become attractive and new, cool for her man.