It is very easy to miss them, but such things cannot be ignored.
Most of the time, we don’t choose who we fall in love with. We have some power over our feelings, but we cannot force ourselves to fall in love or stop loving. As a result, it is very easy to find yourself in a situation where you fell in love with the wrong person..
More often than not, these relationships don’t end well. If you think you’ve picked the wrong person, relationship experts Greg Berendt and Amira Ruotola are ready to assure you – you are not alone. “We’ve all found ourselves in this situation,” they say..
Just think. If we immediately fell in love with the person who suits us perfectly, then none of us would have to suffer from parting. You wouldn’t have to wonder if your partner is cheating on you or telling the truth. You would not ask yourself whether he is the “that” person, because everything would be clear anyway.
Sometimes it’s obvious that you’ve fallen in love with the wrong person, but sometimes it’s not easy to notice. So, here are the signs that will help you know that you are in love with the wrong person..
1. You talk about your problems, but nothing changes
“Expecting your partner to change is a recipe for mental anguish,” says relationship expert Kaitlyn Killoren. If you have a healthy relationship, you and your partner will share problems and try to find ways to solve them together. But if you love the wrong person, then you can talk as much as you like, but nothing will change. This is due to the fact that it makes no sense to expect changes from a person. As Berendt and Ruotola say, most people just don’t want to change themselves. In situations like this, it is important to understand that this may be a protracted breakup that is simply disguised. “In the end, you need to be honest with yourself and understand where the relationship is and if it has a chance,” they say..
2. Your schedules don’t match
Have you ever fallen in love with a person from another country, and time zones became your obstacle? Or would he work all night long, and you are used to working hours from 9 to 5? If so, relationship expert Bethany Ricchiardi claims you might be in love with the wrong person. Long-distance relationships or different schedules will prevent you from spending a lot of time together. This can be overcome by trusting each other and building the right communication, but there is a reason many do not. “We all have wants and needs. Sometimes I like to think of people as flowers: we all need a little sun and water every day. So who can give them to you if you never see your partner? ”- Bethany says.
3. You spend more money on your relationship than your partner.
You might like to pay for everything in your relationship: dates, dinners, spontaneous travel, or even a Netflix account. This is completely normal. But relationship coach Jenna Ponaman believes that if your partner makes absolutely no effort to share this financial responsibility, then this could be a sign of codependency. “Relationships are becoming more of a necessity, not a desire. If this goes on for a long time, then you start to feel an imbalance, ”says Jenna. According to her, resentments, disputes and discontent begin to appear. If the desire to pay for everything seems to you not such a bad habit, then pay attention to this..
4. You adopt bad habits
If you are used to looking after yourself and are convinced that you need to exercise and eat healthy food weekly, and with the advent of new love in your life, something has changed, then you may be in love with the wrong person. “It varies from case to case, but eating right, for example, keeps the body feeling energized. If you eat right and decide to give yourself some slack after you got along with your partner, then it shows that your habits are simply not consistent, ”says Jenna. And because of him, you decided to change. If this happens, it may not be your person..
5. Your relationship is an endless story of what happens over and over again
Repetitive situations can give you hope that things will change one day. But, according to clairvoyant Jenna Matlin, the danger of such a relationship is that you program yourself to return to the previous situation over and over again. If you walk in circles, constantly converging and breaking up, then you may have feelings for the wrong person. “If you find yourself in a similar situation, you need to break this vicious circle,” advises Jenna. Besides, trying to stay friends here is definitely not going to help. It can take you back to where you started.
6. You stopped spending time with friends and family
Your life can change when you meet your other half. But Ponaman argues that this is not always a change for the better. “The positive change is that you make the choice that suits you. If you feel like sacrificing yourself to make a person happy, then this is not the healthiest decision, ”she says. For example, if your relationship is interfering with your time with family and friends, consider whether the person is with you. “In most cases, we make such sacrifices in order to spend more time with our partner. But this is only due to the fact that we do not feel enough attention from friends. If you are in a healthy relationship, you will not need to change your previous lifestyle, ”says Ponaman..
7. You have different values
Not everyone is good at labeling, and it often happens that one partner just wants to “see what happens.” If you are in love with a person who does not impose any obligations on you, then it is worth considering. “This is a serious gap. It means a big difference in values, ”says certified matchmaker Ashley Campana. If so, you need to communicate more with your partner. Tell him that those labels are important to you and explain why it matters so much. You can even talk about the boundaries of your relationship. “If your partner is not involved in this, then you need to weigh everything. What are your goals and will they overlap with this person? If not, tell him goodbye, “Ashley says..
8. You are together because you are so comfortable.
While in a relationship, people get used to feeling comfortable around that person. “But this only happens because the person has been in your life for a long time, and just because you feel comfortable, it doesn’t mean that they are perfect for you or contribute to your development and movement forward,” says Matlin. If you feel that passion and desire are absent, then you should be ready to dive into the pool headlong and break this connection. “Be prepared to put up with it. Trust the unknown. Be extremely honest with yourself and hear what you really want, “she advises..
9. You are in love not with him, but with yourself
Falling in love can easily be confused with love, so it is important to be able to distinguish between the two. Matlin believes that falling in love can sometimes be one-sided. “It’s often an obsessive, overly emotional and idealized focus on the other person,” she says. The main point is that there is a great distance between you. When this passion turns into unrequited love, be prepared for the fact that you are in love with the wrong one. On the other hand, to love someone means to see a person as he is, to accept all his advantages and disadvantages. “This is usually due to the fact that we respect the true nature of man. We feel more tolerant of them, even if we don’t like what they are doing at all. We love them even if we don’t like their decisions, ”says relationship expert Rosalinda Sedacca..
10. Your partner does not apologize
All couples have disagreements. But how you choose to respond to them is the determining factor in whether you choose the right person. “If your partner hurts you deeply with his words or actions and cannot apologize, it’s a sign that he cannot admit his mistakes,” says relationship expert David Rappaport. This is considered the main sign of emotional immaturity. It is very easy to say “I’m sorry”. Failure to apologize shows that you are simply not ready to take responsibility for your actions. “If you’re with someone who cannot apologize for their misdeeds, you may have fallen in love with someone who’s not yet mature and will not be able to build a lasting relationship with him,” says Killoren..
11. Your partner’s behavior in public sometimes confuses you.
If your partner cannot behave like an adult in public, then you may have made the wrong choice. Maybe he has an annoying rampage habit, or he shows no respect for anyone. “You don’t want to apologize for your partner’s misbehavior,” says Rappaport. If you find yourself in situations where you feel the need to make excuses or apologize for your partner’s behavior, then this is a bad sign. When this happens in a relationship, try talking to him about it. Do not bring up this question a second after a second and do not try to scold him as a child. Wait for the two of you to be able to have a serious conversation. “Wait until the situation is over, the emotions will subside and you will be alone. Then tell your partner that he embarrassed you and explain why this happened, ”advises Campana. If all goes well, this conversation will help you understand and bond. If your partner doesn’t take it seriously, it’s a sign that he is not taking you seriously..
12) you don’t feel comfortable talking about your desires in bed
Each person understands in his own way what good sex is. “You can’t think that you will be attracted to your partner 24/7 all 365 days a year, as many see in the movies, but it is important to have a healthy sex life that is filled with passion. If you realize that your partner is not very interested in you, or you do not feel sexual satisfaction, you may have chosen the wrong person, ”says Ricciardi. Of course, all people have different levels of sexuality and attraction, each of us in bed wants different things. In this case, it is important to feel that you are close enough with your partner to talk about your desires. “If you’re with the right person, your pleasure will be important to him,” she says..
13. You have a lot of sex but no emotional closeness.
“Most people think that having regular sex with a partner means you have a healthy relationship. But this rule does not always work, ”says Ponaman. If you fall in love with the wrong person, you may think that having more sex is the key to maintaining your relationship. According to Ponaman, many couples unknowingly shift from healthy emotional sex to sex that is considered necessary. “If it becomes something that you fit into your schedule, then it becomes not an act of love, but another thing,” she notes. When you realize that sex is the only thing that keeps you together, then be sure that your other half was wrong..
14. You rethink everything you say because you are worried about what your partner will think.
It is really important to watch your words. But it’s even more important to have the freedom to express your feelings. When you are in love with the wrong person, it becomes more difficult for you to keep your true self with them. “You never want to disappoint him or rock the boat because you worry about how your partner will respond to your needs or wants,” says Ellen Bohlin, professional relationship coach. With the right person, you will feel 100% comfortable, you will easily be yourself. You can say whatever you want without thinking about being judged or ridiculed. If your partner makes you feel insecure or even fearful, consider whether to stay in the relationship. “Each relationship brings out a different side of our personality. The most important thing is that the sides that we like are brought out with your partner, ”says Campana.
15. Your partner likes it when everything is the way he said
“If your partner is selfish and does things his own way, then you may be with someone who is not emotionally mature enough,” says Rappoport. A healthy relationship with the right person involves compromises. You should feel that your opinion is really important. If you don’t, then you fall in love with the wrong person, because he does not hear your opinion or does not see the point in regarding him as a weighty argument..
16. You don’t care how your family or friends treat your partner.
This is a big problem for most people in relationships. “The approval of friends and family can build or destroy any relationship,” says Samantha Daniels, a dating expert. But if you catch yourself thinking that you don’t care if your friends and family like the person you are in love with, it could be a sign that you are in love with the wrong person. “This behavior usually indicates that you may not be feeling as strong as you might think, because if you truly loved, the approval of family and friends would be important to you,” she adds..
17. It’s hard for you to be with his family
This point is especially important if family is very important to both of you. If you just hate his family (or he is yours), the wrong person may be next to you. “Chances are, no matter how strange or inadequate your partner’s family may be, he loves them. You may need to find someone whose family you like better, ”says Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and owner of a marriage agency. According to her, this does happen sometimes. And this is one of those problems that must be solved if you want to be together..
18. He only thinks about you and your needs.
For some, it may seem like a fairy tale to be with a person who thinks exclusively about your desires. However, experts say this situation can be dangerous. For example, if you and your partner choose a restaurant for dinner, he will always (or almost always) say, “I don’t care, decide for yourself.” According to dating coach Julie Speer, the constant desire to meet your needs can mean that your lover is simply afraid to talk about his own needs. “They can be uncomfortable, so in a relationship it is difficult for them to be themselves. They may be struggling with their own insecurities and a constant desire to please others, ”says Julie. Relationships are about partnerships, not blindly fulfilling every whim. If you notice such a feature, then it is worth considering whether this is really the same person..
19. Your relationship makes you feel emotionally empty.
Nobody says that relationships are easy. But it doesn’t have to be difficult to the point where you become exhausted. “A good relationship should fill you with energy, not take it away,” says Daniels. If you feel that spending time with your other half is causing you emotional drain, then you may be in love with the wrong person. “As a rule, this indicates that you do not give freedom to emotions and feel some kind of instability, so when you are with him, you have to hide a lot. This is what leaves you emotionally devastated, ”she says..
20. You love the ideal image more than the real one.
“If you are in love with his imagined ideal and not with who he really is, this should be a huge red flag for you,” says Matlin. In other words, you create a scenario in your head that makes you ignore the reality. “Sometimes we love the imaginary image more than the reality because we are actually afraid of real vulnerability and attachment. But we must not forget that this remains self-deception, ”she says. If you find that fantasies about your relationship do not coincide with reality at all, then be prepared to accept the fact that you fell in love with the wrong person..
It’s easy to blame yourself when your relationship breaks down again or when you’re back to a type that doesn’t suit you. But Ponaman reminds that you need to love yourself and even feel sorry for yourself..
“You have done nothing wrong, and it has nothing to do with your attractiveness or usefulness. It simply means that you made the wrong choice that didn’t work for you. If you want to find your person, then try to start from scratch. Trust me, it’s worth it, ”she advises.
Letting go of the wrong person can be difficult at times. But if you brace yourself and do this, you can find yourself in a relationship with a real second half, where you will love and be loved..